Cats

Cats was too bad to be good but not awful enough to be enjoyable. I wish I could tear into this film like catnip, but I honestly have already forgotten most of the story after going to bed that night. I will try to piece together what I can in order to actually review this film.

The characters are only fleshed out in song, which is not much since there is a song for every ‘important’ character. That means each cat gets about 2-4 minutes of development, before being completely forgotten by the next song. Also, the one positive I heard from the Broadway show was how amazing the songs were, how this play was believed to be impossible in execution until a second writer came along and added the music. If the songs from the film are the same as the Broadway show, which most of them are, I was not impressed. None of them are catchy, or even emotional. “Memories” is built to be the pinnacle of drama for the film, with a crescendo of music exploding louder than the rest of the score ten fold, but by that point it is the third time the audience has heard that part of the song. I do not know if this is in the Broadway show, but the film has Jennifer Hudson sing sprinkles of the song throughout the film, so once it gets to the bombastic climax it is only louder than the previous moments. Its novelty has been extinguished.

The only character that I would generously consider in having development is Victoria, the white cat. She is not part of the original show—she was added into the film in order to create a sense of plot. Did it work? Barely, but I do give credit for the writers thinking of something to give the audience to help in understanding what is taking place on screen. Tom Hooper obviously wanted to highlight his only contribution since the camera loves focusing on her during the dance scenes, which leads into the only strength this film has.

The dance choreography is pretty good. It does not tell a story, nor does it make the film worth the price of admission, but it serves as visual entertainment. The problem, though, is that director Tom Hooper seems to not care about showing the choreography, since the camera only shows glimpses and leaves most of it in the background. There are flickers of intriguing character traits caught at the edge of frames, but it is so blurred out as if it is unimportant—yet it is the only hint of flavor in that scene. As a whole, the dancing tries to be grand even though the camera tries to ignore it. Sometimes, the choreography is funny when it tries to be serious, and sometimes it is laughable when it tries to be inventive. There are mice and cockroaches in one of the beginning songs that are… so visually repulsive… I almost fell out of my seat laughing. If you want to see the car crash of Cats that everyone is talking about, find the Rebel Wilson song (her cat’s name is Junnyanydots?!). After that song, there is no reason to stay in the theater. If you enjoy theater and dance choreography, there might be some hidden gems through each song, but most of the dancing did not seem that fancy.

Overall, this film is not the fever dream so many people wished it was. The CGI is solid for the most part, except for where the feet land and the horrorshow with the mice and cockroaches. Sadly, most of the memes are only in the trailers. Victoria is the only semblance of character, every other cat only acts as filler. There is no story, it is just a collection of songs. Idris Elba gives a weird and enjoyable performance, but everyone else is either boring or embarrassing.

Story Rating: 3/10

Character Rating: 2/10